The best way to start this blog

One year ago today, very dear friends of mine lost their son to a cord accident during his birth. Their amazing strength and faith is a constant source of inspiration, and my life is better because I know them. I can't think of a better way to start this blog off than by honoring Abner Martin on his first birthday. Happy first Angel Birthday!

Dear Abner,
Today is your first birthday. Happy birthday in Heaven, I bet your party is amazing! Someday, I will get to attend one of your birthday parties and this day won't feel so sad.
I know I never got to meet you here, but you visit me often in my dreams to reassure me that things are okay. You usually turn up when I'm missing my puppy, Eiry, and she's usually with you. It gives me comfort to see that she's found someone to play with, and I hope you are having fun with her too. The first time you showed up in a dream with her, I had been praying about getting another dog. That night, I dreamed that you two were running through a field above the Amp and playing in the sunshine. Just a few days ago, we had a big blizzard, and I was sad I wouldn't get to take Eiry sledding, or to play in the snow. Once again, you two visited me while I slept to show that you're both alright and that you're making sure that she gets to play. Thank you for taking care of her up there.
This last year has been a roller coaster of emotion for everyone, but good has come out of it. Perhaps the best part of it, for me, is the friend I have found in your mom. She is the strongest person I know, and always there to talk or give me a hug if I need it. She and your dad have amazed me with their strength and faith. That has encouraged me to rely on my faith, and trust that things will turn out how they're supposed to. Thank you for sharing your parents with me.
I've learned over the last year that things don't always go the way we want or plan them to, but it's not up to us to decide how things work out. If that were the case, I'd be asleep right now instead of writing you this letter. I've started this letter a hundred times, but never could say quite how I was feeling. Now I've realized that even though I never met you, I've gotten to know a lot about you from your mom and the stories she's told me about you. I know you had long feet, you preferred to hang out on one side of her belly, and that you were perfect in every way. I wish that I could've gotten to know more about you, but due to our general shyness, I didn't get to know your mom well until last summer. It was an interesting summer, one that changed me for the better. I spent a lot of time with your parents, and some time sitting with you when I needed quiet. Thank you for listening when I needed it.
Today is special for another reason. Today your baby brother Judah is three weeks old. He is a beautiful little boy who I can't wait to get to know as he gets older, but there will always be a part of me that will wonder who you would have been. I'll wonder if you'd be more like your dad or your mom, if you'd like ice cream as much as your mom, what you would've been when you grew up. One thing I'll know is that you were sent here for a reason, and that as much losing you hurt a lot of people, knowing you in any way is a blessing. When I see your picture everyday, I know I'm blessed to know you as the blond little boy running through the field with my puppy, and in one case, the handsome teenage boy telling me to let go of the past and quit being negative. Thank you for making me see things in a new way.
Abner, you are a very special person, with a very special family. They love you and miss you more than any words can express. They know that you are in Heaven, and that they will see you someday. I'm so glad I know them, and you through them. Thank you for being you, and I hope to see you and Eiry again soon!
No matter what, you are loved, and missed, always.
Love,
Your Auntie Des